Work, work, work. It’s so easy to get caught up in the daily tasks that engage and entangle us. But every once in a while I like to relax and take a little time for myself. I recently decided to engage in such behavior by pampering myself with a pedicure. 

I walk into the nail salon and am faced with many smiling faces. Beyond those are photos of lovely polished nails, a glistening chandelier and a row of luxuriously appointed seating. Each seat looks like it could be featured in a James Bond movie. I have definitely come to the right place.

As Wanda, my Asian nail technician, escorts me to my chair she explains that these new seats are equipped with the latest mechanisms to provide ultimate relaxation for the client. I slide into the chair and find I’m being poked hard in the back by what feels like two large metal balls. “Now make yourself comfortable”, she coos. “Easy for you to say” I’m thinking. 

Wanda, seeing my look of consternation, helpfully hands me a remote control attached to my seat. It has about 37 buttons which mean nothing to me. My best hope is that I can use the controller to make my seat more comfortable without pushing the ejection button. 

The first button I try has an arrow pointing up. Seems like a good choice. A push of that button sends my torso flinging forward. Wanda probably thought I was trying to dive into the little pool located at my feet. 

That pool, which turns out to be a foot bath, is very snazzy. It’s even lighted. I guess they’re afraid they won’t be able to locate your feet under the water without a light. 

After managing to stop the lurching movements caused by button number one, the hard, back-stabbing balls are still right where they started. This time I try a button whose arrow indicates a circular motion. Now the hard undulating balls start punching into my back from a variety of directions. I’m getting dizzy. I push the button again in an attempt to stop the madness. No such luck. 

By this time my decreasingly patient nail technician is probably wishing I would get a grip on myself so she can continue her job. I wish the same thing. I’m worried that if I continue flinging about I might accidentally drop the remote control gizmo into the foot bath thus ending my life. What a way to go. “Woman electrocuted while getting a pedicure.” 

In a last ditch effort to turn off my undulating spa chair I mash as many keys as possible all at the same time. With a final defiant lurch the chair comes to a halt. I breathe a sigh of relief and start to relax until I notice the two back stabbing balls are once again firmly planted in my lower lumbar region.

I decide just sit here unmoving in a sway-back position until Wanda finishes the pedicure. So much for relaxing. Next time I‘ll just I head down to Cowboys for a ride on the mechanical bull.”