Asperger's: A Kaleidoscope of Music
My son Patrick hears music in colors and perceives numbers in unique ways. He describes seven as an aggressive number. Six is soft.
His passion is music. He sings in a powerful baritone voice, booming with emotion, and spends a great deal of time listening to his favorite composers. I visualize my son living in a kaleidoscope world of rich, bold colors and soft, gentle pastels, a world of music and magic, a world I can only imagine.
I often wonder if there are other mothers out there who have experienced guilt at not recognizing that their child was different. My son diagnosed himself with Asperger’s Syndrome as a sophomore in high school and later his diagnosis was confirmed by both a psychiatrist and by the Georgia Regents Center for Learning Disorders. He’s presently working on a degree in music.
He woke up this morning and headed straight for me, to ask how I slept and to tell me about a new song he’d heard. Before the day is over, he’ll have pulled up the song on the computer for me to hear.
His motor skills are poor. He was unable to balance a bicycle as a child. He never could learn to skate or use a skateboard. And catching a ball is difficult. How did I miss so many clues? I’ve only listed a few of the many clues he left trailing behind him. Patrick’s father and I separated when he was about four years old, and I worked hard to support my two children.
When Patrick couldn’t learn to ride a bike, I thought it was somehow my fault, that he needed his father who lived a thousand miles away. At each hurdle, I made excuses, thinking I was somehow to blame. I pushed him hard and loved him deeply. He started taking piano lessons many months ago. I worried, knowing his motor skills are poor, knowing his penmanship is not much better than scribbles. But he’s doing well, learning to play, and he enjoys it. With music, he is able to overcome many challenges. Music holds a secret for him.
I asked him this morning if I could start writing about him and how Asperger’s affects his life. With a smile on his face, he gave me his permission to dig into his world. Thank you, Patrick for letting me share your magic.
Priscilla Madigan
9:17 am on Saturday, July 7, 2012
Thank you Patrick and thank you Brenda.
Stephanie Train
8:01 am on Sunday, July 8, 2012
You are a gifted writer. Blog away and when you've said a book's worth...publish it. You are that good :)
Amreeta Regmi
10:10 am on Sunday, July 8, 2012
Beautifully written - you touched my soul! As mothers, we often tend to judge ourselves too harshly. Time has its own way of surprising us, reinforcing our hidden convictions and strengthening us along the process. Enjoy Patrick's gift of music. Thank you for sharing the story and allowing us to imagine the colorful music world with you and Patrick.
Brenda Sutton Rose
11:05 am on Sunday, July 8, 2012
Thank you all for the kind comments and encouraging words. It means a great deal to me. I asked Patrick to sit down and read the comments, and he beamed. He stood up chuckling, saying, "That's great, Mom." There was a time when he would not have wanted me to write about him, but he's becoming so comfortable in who he is that he's willing to share in order to help others.
Shelly Roberts
11:26 am on Sunday, July 8, 2012
My 40+ year old son recently diagnosed his own aspergers when one of his sons was so diagnosed by the school system. Years of my own guilt instantly fell away as I realized that all those years of single motherhood trying (and generally failing) to forge a stronger connection between us based on popular parenting concepts were contraindicated by his undiagnosed hard-wiring. We have established a far stronger connection since, based on his needs and not on 1960 Dr. Spock directives. (Though I think Dr. Spock would have acknowledge and altered his approaches if any of us had know of this syndrome.) We are all applying the same new standards to my grandchild as well. And life got easier with a little education.
Gail Moore
7:07 pm on Sunday, July 8, 2012
Thank you, Brenda for sharing so openly. How wonderful that he hears music in colors and has such a unique appreciation for numbers. And how wonderful for you both that you now know how to move forward. Knowledge and education truly does make life easier!
Brenda Sutton Rose
8:27 pm on Sunday, July 8, 2012
Shelly, I'd never even heard of Asperger's! I remember how my own son had to educate me. I've come a long way as a mother.
Shelly Roberts
7:50 am on Monday, July 9, 2012
I'm sure our own parents had something like this for us too. ADD (ADHD), or hypoglycemia or some other hidden behavior causing circumstance. I only vaguely knew of the syndrome from a few tv shows like Bones and Big Bang Theory. But, with no good to come from regretting what you couldn't have changed, the best direction is moving forward. Brava to you for sharing and educating. Keep up the good work. You will make important differences you will never know about.
Priscilla Madigan
11:02 am on Monday, July 9, 2012
My son is 22 and still deals with the stigma of feeling broken.
A huge disservice has been done to these individuals by attaching the disorder to aspergers.....this infuriates me beyond belief......"it" is a neuro-diversity and means a learning difference.
This individuals have dealt with the absence of free range childhoods, the absence of the arts and recess in their schools, the absence of tolerance and the absence of the "village" to support and mentor....
and now as I think about it, ALL CHILDREN, AS or otherwise have experienced this life with these glaring omissions.....
DROP THE LABEL (OF DISORDER) and CELEBRATE THE DIFFERENCES IN ALL OF US.
Brenda Sutton Rose
12:06 pm on Monday, July 9, 2012
Priscilla, You are right in saying it is a learning difference. I remember my son telling me once that he thought he learned just fine.